Five Things to Talk About Before the Wedding
So, you’ve said yes! The talking is far from done yet, though. Unless you’ve been together forever, getting married may take you and your SO into uncharted territory. Here’s what you need to talk about before setting out on this journey.
Do you want children?
How many? What do you want to achieve before you start trying? If you’re open to adoption or assisted conception if you run into problems… On the other hand, you may not want them at all. If so, who gets the snip?
Where do you want to live?
Do you both want to travel the globe (with or without kids)? Or do you want to spend the rest of your lives within a couple of miles of your first homes? You need to talk about what you’ll do if one of you gets the job offer of a lifetime and it involves relocation. The type of home you end up in is also important – one of you wants a log cabin while the other wants a high-rise city apartment, so what do you do?
How important is it to you as a couple? Are you on the same page or not? Do you want your children to follow a particular faith or do you want to go secular?
Shared or separate bank accounts? Who pays what bill, how much you save each month and so on – it all needs to be thrashed out early.
This is one for long-term couples as well, as occasionally one half (naming no gender here…) of the couple can get a bit more traditional after marriage. Very often roles develop over time – one person hates water the other hates dust so that’s an easy division – but you must commit to the fairest division of labour.
You’re also marrying your in-laws, so you need to work out how much time is spent with each set, and when. Christmas with one set, New Year with the other and so on.
One of you loves trekking and camping, the other lives for city breaks. Do you get to choose alternate years, or try to blend the two each time you go away?
Your family name is important – do you take your husband’s name or not? Are the kids double-barrelled? It can be a minefield, especially if the in-laws are traditional.
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